# math problem

### when john died, i blamed myself. turns out my siblings blamed themselves too. how does that work mathematically?

when john died,

i blamed myself.

turns out my siblings

blamed themselves too.

how does that work

mathematically?

it’s like one of Etta’s

story problems

that she fusses over

at the kitchen table:

john senior and marge

had 5 girls, 2 boys,

and then 2 more girls

(which is clearly too many,

already the problem seems

unsolvable)

A:

if the first boy

dies by suicide

how many lives

are irrevocably

shattered?

B:

by what factor

is the pain multiplied if

we don’t talk about it?

Challenge Problem:

if another sibling

14 years later

also dies by suicide

and everyone blames themselves

and nobody talks about it

a. how do you go on loving

b. how do you go on breathing

c. how do you go on?